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bigtitchTitle: Be Careful What You Wish For
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bigtitch
Characters: Stephen/Ryan, Cutter, Lyle, Blade, Finn, Kermit, Abby, Connor, Lester, Ditzy, Jenny
Rating: PG, implied slash
Warnings: angst, angst and more angst but this is a fixit, honest
Spoilers: mentions the unmentionable from S1.6
Word count: 3000
Disclaimer: Not mine, no names, no packdrill.
A/N: Thanks tolukadreaming for being a wonderful beta.
Title: Part 1 is here
Stephen paced up and down in one of the ARC's corridors. His emotions ran from elation to despair and all points in between with a little detour into complete bewilderment. The corridor was downstairs in the special forces' rather than the scientists' domain.
Ryan was being kept in a holding cell while they tried to work out what was happening.
Ryan was back but didn't recognise him. Why?
It had all been organised chaos after his arrival. Lyle had driven Ryan back to the ARC while Blade and Kermit stayed behind. Stephen and Abby had also returned with Abby being firm about doing the driving this time. The trip back was just as silent as the first one, but with a completely different atmosphere. They were both amazed into silence. And Stephen sat there with an almost hysterical elation bubbling up inside him.
That elation had deflated pretty quickly when they got back to the ARC. Ryan was sequestered in the medical centre with Ditzy maintaining a strict 'no-visitors' policy. Lester had arrived, sweeping through the cluster of excited scientists and secretaries with his usual mixture of irritation and competence.
Connor had nearly passed out at the news and was now hunched over his laptop, fingers tapping madly at the keys, only surfacing to say broken sentences of 'string theory', 'chroniton particles' and 'alternate universes'.
Stephen ignored him and everyone else. He just haunted the corridors, desperate for a view of his lover.
And then Captain Stringer had arrived with an anonymous-looking man in tow and the atmosphere changed. The special forces men went quiet. Their obvious happiness disappeared and was replaced by watchfulness and caution.
Ryan was taken out of the medical centre and placed in a holding cell. Stringer and the strange man were in there with him and an armed guard was on the door. Stephen could only see this from the end of the corridor which was guarded by Finn, also armed. Finn was tight-lipped about who the man was but his eyes were sympathetic. He was firm about not letting Stephen any nearer.
Lyle ambled up and gave a crooked smile by way of greeting.
Finn tensed and whatever Lyle was going to say went begging as the door to Ryan's room opened.
Stringer and the man came out and strode up the corridor in a no-nonsense fashion. The stranger ignored everyone at the corridor end and he turned for the stairs that would take him back to the main ARC levels. Stringer kept up with the man but half-turned as he passed them and held up his hand, fingers spread to Lyle.
Lyle waited until they were out of sight and then tapped Stephen on the shoulder. 'C'mon,' he said. 'We've got five minutes.'
At the door Stephen stopped before he could see inside. He'd been desperate for this but now he felt reluctant, nervous. But he knew this was his only chance. He wiped a sweaty palm on his trousers, squared his shoulders and went in.
Ryan was sitting on a plastic chair by a square table . Three plastic cups stood on it and his left hand rested around one as though he'd just finished taking a drink. Lyle and he exchanged a nod and then Stephen was on his own.
'They tell me we were together in this place,' Ryan said.
'Yes,' Stephen said, sitting down. The squeak of the chair on the floor sounded very loud.
'We weren't where I come from,' Ryan said.
'Amnesia.'
'No. It's not that I don't remember. It never happened. I went through the anomaly with Professor Cutter and that lizard. He went off to search for his wife. He took too long. When he came back, the anomaly was fading. I got him through but I got stuck in the past. I was there for two months waiting for the anomaly to re-open. And when it did I came back to find over a year has passed and I'm supposed to have died.'
Ryan chewed a little at the side of his mouth. Stephen knew it for a sign of worry in his lover. He leaned forward automatically to offer comfort but Ryan drew back instantly.
'You don't remember me?' Stephen asked.
'I recognise you from when we were setting things up, but you left with the dark-haired student.'
'Connor,' Stephen supplied automatically.
Silence fell for a while until Stephen had to ask the question he'd wanted to.
'So you don't know me. You don't...' Tears filled his throat and he couldn't go on.
'I'm sorry,' Ryan was chewing his lip again. 'I...'
Lyle burst in. 'Sorry guys, time's up.'
'No!' Stephen protested.
But Lyle put his hand on his shoulder. 'Time's. Up. We've gotta go.'
Lyle hustled Stephen out of the chair and propelled him out of the door and down the corridor opposite to the way they had come in.
'Sorry mate,' Lyle said when they were safely round the corner. 'That never happened, OK?'
Stephen was too full to do anything except nod.
Under Lyle's guidance he made his way back up to the atrium, his head reeling at the information he'd just received. Ryan was back, but not his Ryan.
Back at the atrium he was called into Lester's office. Cutter, Abby, Connor and Jenny were already there.
'What's happening to Ryan?' Cutter asked, all pugnacious Scotsman.
'If you'd give me a moment I was about to tell you,' Lester said quellingly. 'While Captain Ryan was assigned to this project, he was, and now is, under the command of the SAS. They are going to deal with his reappearance.'
'But...' Abby started.
'But nothing,' Lester replied. 'It has been made quite clear to me that this is an army matter and we will be informed of any developments on a need to know basis. Moreover we are not to make any attempt to contact Captain Ryan,' Lester caught Stephens' eye and then stared at Connor, 'or make any investigation into the nature of the phenomenon that has brought him back from the dead.'
'That's ridiculous,' Cutter spurted.
'That's the army,' Lester replied at his driest. 'However, it does a appear that travel through the anomalies is more complicated than we initially thought. I am therefore declaring a moratorium on any travel through them until we have a much better grasp of what's involved.'
'Which we're not allowed to investigate,' Cutter spat.
'That's my final word. Until further notice, no one goes through an anomaly for whatever reason.' Lester looked down at his desk. 'And now as you can imagine this has generated a lot of paperwork. Don't let me detain you any longer.'
Stephen stood his ground. 'Who was that man and what are they going to do with Ryan?'
'The gentleman was from MI5.'
'What?'
'Ryan's in the SAS. There are security implications. Ryan is being taken somewhere where this can be investigated in private.'
'But he's done nothing wrong!'
Lester's mask slipped. 'At the moment no one is 100 per cent certain that it is Ryan!' he shouted. Then he sat down and calmed himself. 'Be patient,' he said. 'But I warn all of you this has put us under intense scrutiny. You will do nothing to jeopardise this operation. Do you understand me?'
Everyone nodded, but Lester held Stephen's eyes until he nodded that he understood what was being asked of him.
'And now I really do have work to do,' Lester said. It was a firm dismissal this time.
++++
Stephen didn't know whether to be grateful or not that the next week was quiet by their usual standards. It gave him too much time to brood over Ryan and what was happening, but at least his brooding wasn't putting anyone's lives in danger.
Surprisingly, Cutter had tried to talk to him about it.
There'd been a knock on the door a few nights previously and when he'd opened it there was Cutter holding a pizza box as though it were part peace offering, part barricade.
'Hello,' Cutter said. 'I came round to see how you're doing.'
Stephen was so surprised he automatically let Cutter in. But once Cutter was sitting on the sofa with a pizza on the coffee table between them it seemed like old times.
'It's been a while,' said Stephen.
'Yeah, I know and that's been my fault.' Cutter rubbed the back of his neck. 'I've been spending far much time in the past and not in the present.'
'Well, Lester's banned that now.'
'Maybe not without good reason. Look, when I came back from the Permian after Ryan was killed, things had changed here.'
'Claudia?' Stephen remembered the name even though he had been concentrating on other things at the time.
'Claudia Brown. The ARC and Leek – they were all differences I'd put them down because of changes we made in the Permian. But this has got me thinking maybe I came back to a different universe.'
'I thought Lester said we weren't supposed to investigate this?' Stephen felt himself getting interested, despite himself.
'Lester? Ach!' Cutter disposed of Lester, the official Secrets Act and the security services with a wave of a slice of pepperoni pizza and a Scottish syllable. 'Besides we're not investigating, we're speculating.'
'Well speculatively I don't see how the Claudia thing can be a different universe – the anomaly stayed open all the time you were there.'
'You're right.' Cutter deflated slightly.
'Connor's probably better at this sort of thing than me.'
'He's got the mind for it. But he keeps bringing in sci-fi shows. Have you heard of the Temporal Prime Directive?'
'No.'
'Neither have I, but apparently there'll be one. As least once Starfleet gets established.'
Stephen grinned and pushed another bottle of beer towards Cutter. He'd missed this, and he didn't realise how much until now.
'Well, at least be grateful,' he said. 'I bet Abby's getting re-runs of every time travel movie in existence.'
When Cutter left, not too long after the pizza was finished, Stephen realised he felt better than he had done for a while. They had kept the conversation away from personal topics but it had been good anyway to talk to an intellectual equal. And just good to talk to Cutter again. He was like family in that they shared so much history. He couldn't but relax more around him.
++++
The breaking down of the barrier between Stephen and Cutter was the only good thing about that week. Stephen was worried about what was happening to Ryan. The involvement of MI5 seemed sinister to him which was compounded by the secrecy surrounding the situation.
He had hounded Lester about it until the civil servant had snapped and told him that he had asked but had been told his ability to question the SAS on staffing issues was restricted to him being told who was currently being assigned to the project.
The special forces were no help either. 'Don't ask because I don't know,' Blade told him on the Thursday. 'And I couldn't tell you if I did. It's total lockdown on this.' He drew his fingers in a zipping motion across his mouth.
Stephen sagged and nodded, understanding and unsurprised but depressed at another avenue being closed.
'Fancy going fishing on Saturday?' Blade asked in a brighter tone.
It wasn't exactly a subtle attempt to cheer him up, but Stephen smiled and shrugged. 'Yeah, why not?'
'You still doing that, Blade?' asked Lyle, who was passing through the locker room.
'Sure.'
'Do you catch anything?'
'Sometimes, less when he's around. Something about him scares the fish. I think it's his aftershave!'
Stephen managed to get one good spray of deodorant on target in retribution before he was overpowered.
++++
It was a cloudy day on the riverbank with the distinct possibility of rain sooner rather than later. Stephen held his binoculars in his hands but made no attempt to use them. Instead he stared into the water with his thoughts circling around Ryan – to no good purpose. He heard the sound of the cool-box between him and Blade being opened but didn't bother to look round.
'Penny for 'em,' said Lyle.
Stephen looked up, startled. Lyle put the cool-box on the floor and sat on it beside Stephen's folding stool. Stephen glanced along the riverbank, Blade was nowhere in sight.
'I'm not here and we're not having this conversation,' he said solemnly.
'Ryan.'
'Ryan,' Lyle agreed, holding up a hand to forestall any interruptions. 'He's fine. He's in a safehouse near Hereford being debriefed.'
'You mean interrogated.'
'I mean debriefed. Thoroughly, but it's still a debriefing. Do you think Major Preston would allow anything else?'
'Why? Why all the secrecy?'
Lyle took a swig of beer from the tin he was holding. 'He came back from the dead. I mean, the SAS has always welcomed mavericks, but that's pushing it even for us!'
'But he's a different Ryan!'
'Not according to his DNA, apparently. But you're right, the current theory is that he's Ryan but from a different universe or timeline. And it's that 'different' bit that's causing the problems. How different is he? What's changed? Can he be trusted? Is he a security risk?'
Lyle took another swig. 'He's spent the past few days going through his life with a fine tooth comb. His past. His personal life. His military background everything. At the end of it Preston says he's convinced he's our Ryan minus a few months.'
'So he's fine? He's coming back to the ARC?'
Lyle's face twisted. 'It's not that easy. To get into the SAS you need to pass a stringent security check. And how do you check the background of someone from a different universe? And if he gets through that – he's going through Selection Week again.' It was clear from Lyle's voice that the second trial was the worse.
'But if he makes it?'
'He's back in the regiment. And I know Lester has requested that he be reassigned to the ARC.'
Stephen's heart leapt and then sank as quickly. 'I don't even know if he's gay.'
'A 50-50 chance is better than nothing,' Lyle told him bracingly and added a fierce clout to his shoulder. 'I've got to be going. And remember...'
'You were never here,' Stephen finished for him.
Lyle winked at him and picked up the cool-box again.
Stephen stared at the river, feeling a mixture of relief, elation and fear. Ryan was coming back but could he restart his relationship? His hands were trembling at the thought. Further down the bank Blade swore loudly.
Stephen came up to him. 'What's up?'
'You know that guy who wasn't here?'
Stephen wasn't sure whether to answer yes or no to that question. 'Hmm?'
'Well he's nicked half the beer!'
++++
Three weeks after their secret conversation Lyle popped his head around Stephen's office door. He held one finger to his lips but gave the thumbs-up sign with the other hand. That day all the special forces men walked around with huge grins on their faces.
++++
The next Monday Captain Ryan returned to the ARC.
Lester called the civilian staff together in the atrium and performed the 'reintroduction.' Ryan blushed when the team broke into a round of applause.
'Looks like I've got big shoes to fill,' he said.
'Which are also yours,' said Lester. 'I can see that this is going to stretch our brains and our vocabularies for the foreseeable future.'
Lester kept Ryan and Stringer in his office for most of the morning, but brought Ryan round with him on a tour of the science facilities just before lunchtime.
The two of them appeared at Stephen's door.
'And this is Dr Stephen Hart. Biologist and expert tracker,' Lester said playing it purely business-like.
Stephen and Ryan played out a little comedy of half-starts and hesitation before settling on a stiff hand-shake.
'We need to talk,' Ryan told Stephen. 'Can I come and see you after I've done the military tour?'
'Sure. Of course.'
Lester took Ryan away with something of a relieved look on his face. 'But what did he expect?' Stephen thought, sitting down. 'Hysterics and passionate declarations of love.' He looked at his shaking hands – maybe hysterics was a possibility.
Ryan showed up at Stephen's door just after three – an endless time for Stephen who had hardly dared leave his office in case he missed him.
Once Ryan was in and sat down he got straight to the point. 'It's about money,' he said. 'The army had decided to treat this situation as though I had been declared dead in error. Now I understand my pension has been paid out to you. The monthly payments are going to stop and they want the lump-sum back.' Ryan grimaced. 'This isn't your fault and I'm sure they're going to be flexible about this. But when I went through the anomaly I had a house and car and stuff. Now I don't.'
Stephen felt like he'd been punched in the gut. He hadn't thought of this at all.
'Shit,' he said and wiped a hand over his face. 'The lump-sum went into an investment. I should be able to get it out ahead of time, but there'll be a penalty to pay.'
'The army can pay that,' Ryan said.
Stephen smiled weakly at him. 'You sold your house and we bought one together. We made out wills in favour of each other. When you d-died your half came to me. The pension's been paying that side of the mortgage. Lyle bought your car. I've got most of your DVDs and CDs and stuff. I gave your clothes to charity.'
Ryan nodded calmly. 'I'm not worried about the car and the rest, but I will need the house money back.'
'Of course. I'll speak to my bank manager and I'll start sorting this out.'
'Thanks. Because, army declaration or no, I'm on dodgy legal ground here.'
'No,' Stephen said. 'It's yours. I'll make sure you get it back.'
'Thanks,' Ryan stood up to go.
'About your stuff,' Stephen said. 'I still have quite a bit at the house. Do you want to come and get it back?'
Ryan stared at a picture on the wall. 'No, you bring in what you can spare. I'm sure some of it's personal to you and him. I don't want to interfere with that.'
He turned and looked Stephen in the eye. 'Let's not pretend that this is easy for either of us, but it's going to be rougher on you. I don't want to add to that.'
'OK,' Stephen said.
Ryan nodded and left the room. Stephen shut the door behind him and then sat back down at his desk, shaking. He'd had dreams of Ryan coming back, having a few dates and then moving back in with him. It looked like reality was going to be very different.
He sat for about half an hour trying to get his head together. Then he picked the phone up and started the labyrinthine task of getting hold of his bank manager.
++++
Three days later, Stephen knocked on Ryan's office door and went in carrying a big box. 'I've got some of your stuff from the house,' he said.
Ryan came over to have a look.
'I've another few boxes in the car – just DVDs and CDs There are some pictures too. But this is the more personal stuff.' Stephen tailed off, aware that he was babbling, but Ryan was standing so close to him.
Ryan picked up a photo album and stepped slightly back to open it. 'Thanks,' he said. 'I'd have missed them.'
'You're welcome,' Stephen said. 'I've started sorting out the finances. I've got a meeting with the bank next week and the estate agent's coming to value the house.'
'Thanks, I appreciate it. Is there anything I can do to help?'
'Come for a drink with me tonight?' The words were out of Stephen's mouth before he was even aware of thinking them.
Ryan took a step back. 'Hart, whatever you and he had is gone,' he said slowly. 'And I'm having enough trouble getting my head around a new world without trying to rekindle something that didn't happen for me. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be unkind, but I don't want to string you along with false hope.'
'Fair enough,' Stephen said and turned on his heel and left the office as fast as he could.
Back at the house there was an official letter from the army pensions service. It told him in official terms what Ryan had already said. They'd given him the money in good faith but now they wanted it back.
Stephen went upstairs to the wardrobe. On the top shelf there was something of Ryan's he hadn't given back. He took down a plastic bag and pulled out an exercise vest of Ryan's. It was unwashed and Stephen saved it for when things got too bad. He sat on the floor beside the bed and buried his face in the cloth, inhaling the scent that had once been so familiar. And then he let the tears fall.
Continued Next Week
Author:
bigtitchCharacters: Stephen/Ryan, Cutter, Lyle, Blade, Finn, Kermit, Abby, Connor, Lester, Ditzy, Jenny
Rating: PG, implied slash
Warnings: angst, angst and more angst but this is a fixit, honest
Spoilers: mentions the unmentionable from S1.6
Word count: 3000
Disclaimer: Not mine, no names, no packdrill.
A/N: Thanks to
lukadreaming for being a wonderful beta.Title: Part 1 is here
Stephen paced up and down in one of the ARC's corridors. His emotions ran from elation to despair and all points in between with a little detour into complete bewilderment. The corridor was downstairs in the special forces' rather than the scientists' domain.
Ryan was being kept in a holding cell while they tried to work out what was happening.
Ryan was back but didn't recognise him. Why?
It had all been organised chaos after his arrival. Lyle had driven Ryan back to the ARC while Blade and Kermit stayed behind. Stephen and Abby had also returned with Abby being firm about doing the driving this time. The trip back was just as silent as the first one, but with a completely different atmosphere. They were both amazed into silence. And Stephen sat there with an almost hysterical elation bubbling up inside him.
That elation had deflated pretty quickly when they got back to the ARC. Ryan was sequestered in the medical centre with Ditzy maintaining a strict 'no-visitors' policy. Lester had arrived, sweeping through the cluster of excited scientists and secretaries with his usual mixture of irritation and competence.
Connor had nearly passed out at the news and was now hunched over his laptop, fingers tapping madly at the keys, only surfacing to say broken sentences of 'string theory', 'chroniton particles' and 'alternate universes'.
Stephen ignored him and everyone else. He just haunted the corridors, desperate for a view of his lover.
And then Captain Stringer had arrived with an anonymous-looking man in tow and the atmosphere changed. The special forces men went quiet. Their obvious happiness disappeared and was replaced by watchfulness and caution.
Ryan was taken out of the medical centre and placed in a holding cell. Stringer and the strange man were in there with him and an armed guard was on the door. Stephen could only see this from the end of the corridor which was guarded by Finn, also armed. Finn was tight-lipped about who the man was but his eyes were sympathetic. He was firm about not letting Stephen any nearer.
Lyle ambled up and gave a crooked smile by way of greeting.
Finn tensed and whatever Lyle was going to say went begging as the door to Ryan's room opened.
Stringer and the man came out and strode up the corridor in a no-nonsense fashion. The stranger ignored everyone at the corridor end and he turned for the stairs that would take him back to the main ARC levels. Stringer kept up with the man but half-turned as he passed them and held up his hand, fingers spread to Lyle.
Lyle waited until they were out of sight and then tapped Stephen on the shoulder. 'C'mon,' he said. 'We've got five minutes.'
At the door Stephen stopped before he could see inside. He'd been desperate for this but now he felt reluctant, nervous. But he knew this was his only chance. He wiped a sweaty palm on his trousers, squared his shoulders and went in.
Ryan was sitting on a plastic chair by a square table . Three plastic cups stood on it and his left hand rested around one as though he'd just finished taking a drink. Lyle and he exchanged a nod and then Stephen was on his own.
'They tell me we were together in this place,' Ryan said.
'Yes,' Stephen said, sitting down. The squeak of the chair on the floor sounded very loud.
'We weren't where I come from,' Ryan said.
'Amnesia.'
'No. It's not that I don't remember. It never happened. I went through the anomaly with Professor Cutter and that lizard. He went off to search for his wife. He took too long. When he came back, the anomaly was fading. I got him through but I got stuck in the past. I was there for two months waiting for the anomaly to re-open. And when it did I came back to find over a year has passed and I'm supposed to have died.'
Ryan chewed a little at the side of his mouth. Stephen knew it for a sign of worry in his lover. He leaned forward automatically to offer comfort but Ryan drew back instantly.
'You don't remember me?' Stephen asked.
'I recognise you from when we were setting things up, but you left with the dark-haired student.'
'Connor,' Stephen supplied automatically.
Silence fell for a while until Stephen had to ask the question he'd wanted to.
'So you don't know me. You don't...' Tears filled his throat and he couldn't go on.
'I'm sorry,' Ryan was chewing his lip again. 'I...'
Lyle burst in. 'Sorry guys, time's up.'
'No!' Stephen protested.
But Lyle put his hand on his shoulder. 'Time's. Up. We've gotta go.'
Lyle hustled Stephen out of the chair and propelled him out of the door and down the corridor opposite to the way they had come in.
'Sorry mate,' Lyle said when they were safely round the corner. 'That never happened, OK?'
Stephen was too full to do anything except nod.
Under Lyle's guidance he made his way back up to the atrium, his head reeling at the information he'd just received. Ryan was back, but not his Ryan.
Back at the atrium he was called into Lester's office. Cutter, Abby, Connor and Jenny were already there.
'What's happening to Ryan?' Cutter asked, all pugnacious Scotsman.
'If you'd give me a moment I was about to tell you,' Lester said quellingly. 'While Captain Ryan was assigned to this project, he was, and now is, under the command of the SAS. They are going to deal with his reappearance.'
'But...' Abby started.
'But nothing,' Lester replied. 'It has been made quite clear to me that this is an army matter and we will be informed of any developments on a need to know basis. Moreover we are not to make any attempt to contact Captain Ryan,' Lester caught Stephens' eye and then stared at Connor, 'or make any investigation into the nature of the phenomenon that has brought him back from the dead.'
'That's ridiculous,' Cutter spurted.
'That's the army,' Lester replied at his driest. 'However, it does a appear that travel through the anomalies is more complicated than we initially thought. I am therefore declaring a moratorium on any travel through them until we have a much better grasp of what's involved.'
'Which we're not allowed to investigate,' Cutter spat.
'That's my final word. Until further notice, no one goes through an anomaly for whatever reason.' Lester looked down at his desk. 'And now as you can imagine this has generated a lot of paperwork. Don't let me detain you any longer.'
Stephen stood his ground. 'Who was that man and what are they going to do with Ryan?'
'The gentleman was from MI5.'
'What?'
'Ryan's in the SAS. There are security implications. Ryan is being taken somewhere where this can be investigated in private.'
'But he's done nothing wrong!'
Lester's mask slipped. 'At the moment no one is 100 per cent certain that it is Ryan!' he shouted. Then he sat down and calmed himself. 'Be patient,' he said. 'But I warn all of you this has put us under intense scrutiny. You will do nothing to jeopardise this operation. Do you understand me?'
Everyone nodded, but Lester held Stephen's eyes until he nodded that he understood what was being asked of him.
'And now I really do have work to do,' Lester said. It was a firm dismissal this time.
++++
Stephen didn't know whether to be grateful or not that the next week was quiet by their usual standards. It gave him too much time to brood over Ryan and what was happening, but at least his brooding wasn't putting anyone's lives in danger.
Surprisingly, Cutter had tried to talk to him about it.
There'd been a knock on the door a few nights previously and when he'd opened it there was Cutter holding a pizza box as though it were part peace offering, part barricade.
'Hello,' Cutter said. 'I came round to see how you're doing.'
Stephen was so surprised he automatically let Cutter in. But once Cutter was sitting on the sofa with a pizza on the coffee table between them it seemed like old times.
'It's been a while,' said Stephen.
'Yeah, I know and that's been my fault.' Cutter rubbed the back of his neck. 'I've been spending far much time in the past and not in the present.'
'Well, Lester's banned that now.'
'Maybe not without good reason. Look, when I came back from the Permian after Ryan was killed, things had changed here.'
'Claudia?' Stephen remembered the name even though he had been concentrating on other things at the time.
'Claudia Brown. The ARC and Leek – they were all differences I'd put them down because of changes we made in the Permian. But this has got me thinking maybe I came back to a different universe.'
'I thought Lester said we weren't supposed to investigate this?' Stephen felt himself getting interested, despite himself.
'Lester? Ach!' Cutter disposed of Lester, the official Secrets Act and the security services with a wave of a slice of pepperoni pizza and a Scottish syllable. 'Besides we're not investigating, we're speculating.'
'Well speculatively I don't see how the Claudia thing can be a different universe – the anomaly stayed open all the time you were there.'
'You're right.' Cutter deflated slightly.
'Connor's probably better at this sort of thing than me.'
'He's got the mind for it. But he keeps bringing in sci-fi shows. Have you heard of the Temporal Prime Directive?'
'No.'
'Neither have I, but apparently there'll be one. As least once Starfleet gets established.'
Stephen grinned and pushed another bottle of beer towards Cutter. He'd missed this, and he didn't realise how much until now.
'Well, at least be grateful,' he said. 'I bet Abby's getting re-runs of every time travel movie in existence.'
When Cutter left, not too long after the pizza was finished, Stephen realised he felt better than he had done for a while. They had kept the conversation away from personal topics but it had been good anyway to talk to an intellectual equal. And just good to talk to Cutter again. He was like family in that they shared so much history. He couldn't but relax more around him.
++++
The breaking down of the barrier between Stephen and Cutter was the only good thing about that week. Stephen was worried about what was happening to Ryan. The involvement of MI5 seemed sinister to him which was compounded by the secrecy surrounding the situation.
He had hounded Lester about it until the civil servant had snapped and told him that he had asked but had been told his ability to question the SAS on staffing issues was restricted to him being told who was currently being assigned to the project.
The special forces were no help either. 'Don't ask because I don't know,' Blade told him on the Thursday. 'And I couldn't tell you if I did. It's total lockdown on this.' He drew his fingers in a zipping motion across his mouth.
Stephen sagged and nodded, understanding and unsurprised but depressed at another avenue being closed.
'Fancy going fishing on Saturday?' Blade asked in a brighter tone.
It wasn't exactly a subtle attempt to cheer him up, but Stephen smiled and shrugged. 'Yeah, why not?'
'You still doing that, Blade?' asked Lyle, who was passing through the locker room.
'Sure.'
'Do you catch anything?'
'Sometimes, less when he's around. Something about him scares the fish. I think it's his aftershave!'
Stephen managed to get one good spray of deodorant on target in retribution before he was overpowered.
++++
It was a cloudy day on the riverbank with the distinct possibility of rain sooner rather than later. Stephen held his binoculars in his hands but made no attempt to use them. Instead he stared into the water with his thoughts circling around Ryan – to no good purpose. He heard the sound of the cool-box between him and Blade being opened but didn't bother to look round.
'Penny for 'em,' said Lyle.
Stephen looked up, startled. Lyle put the cool-box on the floor and sat on it beside Stephen's folding stool. Stephen glanced along the riverbank, Blade was nowhere in sight.
'I'm not here and we're not having this conversation,' he said solemnly.
'Ryan.'
'Ryan,' Lyle agreed, holding up a hand to forestall any interruptions. 'He's fine. He's in a safehouse near Hereford being debriefed.'
'You mean interrogated.'
'I mean debriefed. Thoroughly, but it's still a debriefing. Do you think Major Preston would allow anything else?'
'Why? Why all the secrecy?'
Lyle took a swig of beer from the tin he was holding. 'He came back from the dead. I mean, the SAS has always welcomed mavericks, but that's pushing it even for us!'
'But he's a different Ryan!'
'Not according to his DNA, apparently. But you're right, the current theory is that he's Ryan but from a different universe or timeline. And it's that 'different' bit that's causing the problems. How different is he? What's changed? Can he be trusted? Is he a security risk?'
Lyle took another swig. 'He's spent the past few days going through his life with a fine tooth comb. His past. His personal life. His military background everything. At the end of it Preston says he's convinced he's our Ryan minus a few months.'
'So he's fine? He's coming back to the ARC?'
Lyle's face twisted. 'It's not that easy. To get into the SAS you need to pass a stringent security check. And how do you check the background of someone from a different universe? And if he gets through that – he's going through Selection Week again.' It was clear from Lyle's voice that the second trial was the worse.
'But if he makes it?'
'He's back in the regiment. And I know Lester has requested that he be reassigned to the ARC.'
Stephen's heart leapt and then sank as quickly. 'I don't even know if he's gay.'
'A 50-50 chance is better than nothing,' Lyle told him bracingly and added a fierce clout to his shoulder. 'I've got to be going. And remember...'
'You were never here,' Stephen finished for him.
Lyle winked at him and picked up the cool-box again.
Stephen stared at the river, feeling a mixture of relief, elation and fear. Ryan was coming back but could he restart his relationship? His hands were trembling at the thought. Further down the bank Blade swore loudly.
Stephen came up to him. 'What's up?'
'You know that guy who wasn't here?'
Stephen wasn't sure whether to answer yes or no to that question. 'Hmm?'
'Well he's nicked half the beer!'
++++
Three weeks after their secret conversation Lyle popped his head around Stephen's office door. He held one finger to his lips but gave the thumbs-up sign with the other hand. That day all the special forces men walked around with huge grins on their faces.
++++
The next Monday Captain Ryan returned to the ARC.
Lester called the civilian staff together in the atrium and performed the 'reintroduction.' Ryan blushed when the team broke into a round of applause.
'Looks like I've got big shoes to fill,' he said.
'Which are also yours,' said Lester. 'I can see that this is going to stretch our brains and our vocabularies for the foreseeable future.'
Lester kept Ryan and Stringer in his office for most of the morning, but brought Ryan round with him on a tour of the science facilities just before lunchtime.
The two of them appeared at Stephen's door.
'And this is Dr Stephen Hart. Biologist and expert tracker,' Lester said playing it purely business-like.
Stephen and Ryan played out a little comedy of half-starts and hesitation before settling on a stiff hand-shake.
'We need to talk,' Ryan told Stephen. 'Can I come and see you after I've done the military tour?'
'Sure. Of course.'
Lester took Ryan away with something of a relieved look on his face. 'But what did he expect?' Stephen thought, sitting down. 'Hysterics and passionate declarations of love.' He looked at his shaking hands – maybe hysterics was a possibility.
Ryan showed up at Stephen's door just after three – an endless time for Stephen who had hardly dared leave his office in case he missed him.
Once Ryan was in and sat down he got straight to the point. 'It's about money,' he said. 'The army had decided to treat this situation as though I had been declared dead in error. Now I understand my pension has been paid out to you. The monthly payments are going to stop and they want the lump-sum back.' Ryan grimaced. 'This isn't your fault and I'm sure they're going to be flexible about this. But when I went through the anomaly I had a house and car and stuff. Now I don't.'
Stephen felt like he'd been punched in the gut. He hadn't thought of this at all.
'Shit,' he said and wiped a hand over his face. 'The lump-sum went into an investment. I should be able to get it out ahead of time, but there'll be a penalty to pay.'
'The army can pay that,' Ryan said.
Stephen smiled weakly at him. 'You sold your house and we bought one together. We made out wills in favour of each other. When you d-died your half came to me. The pension's been paying that side of the mortgage. Lyle bought your car. I've got most of your DVDs and CDs and stuff. I gave your clothes to charity.'
Ryan nodded calmly. 'I'm not worried about the car and the rest, but I will need the house money back.'
'Of course. I'll speak to my bank manager and I'll start sorting this out.'
'Thanks. Because, army declaration or no, I'm on dodgy legal ground here.'
'No,' Stephen said. 'It's yours. I'll make sure you get it back.'
'Thanks,' Ryan stood up to go.
'About your stuff,' Stephen said. 'I still have quite a bit at the house. Do you want to come and get it back?'
Ryan stared at a picture on the wall. 'No, you bring in what you can spare. I'm sure some of it's personal to you and him. I don't want to interfere with that.'
He turned and looked Stephen in the eye. 'Let's not pretend that this is easy for either of us, but it's going to be rougher on you. I don't want to add to that.'
'OK,' Stephen said.
Ryan nodded and left the room. Stephen shut the door behind him and then sat back down at his desk, shaking. He'd had dreams of Ryan coming back, having a few dates and then moving back in with him. It looked like reality was going to be very different.
He sat for about half an hour trying to get his head together. Then he picked the phone up and started the labyrinthine task of getting hold of his bank manager.
++++
Three days later, Stephen knocked on Ryan's office door and went in carrying a big box. 'I've got some of your stuff from the house,' he said.
Ryan came over to have a look.
'I've another few boxes in the car – just DVDs and CDs There are some pictures too. But this is the more personal stuff.' Stephen tailed off, aware that he was babbling, but Ryan was standing so close to him.
Ryan picked up a photo album and stepped slightly back to open it. 'Thanks,' he said. 'I'd have missed them.'
'You're welcome,' Stephen said. 'I've started sorting out the finances. I've got a meeting with the bank next week and the estate agent's coming to value the house.'
'Thanks, I appreciate it. Is there anything I can do to help?'
'Come for a drink with me tonight?' The words were out of Stephen's mouth before he was even aware of thinking them.
Ryan took a step back. 'Hart, whatever you and he had is gone,' he said slowly. 'And I'm having enough trouble getting my head around a new world without trying to rekindle something that didn't happen for me. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be unkind, but I don't want to string you along with false hope.'
'Fair enough,' Stephen said and turned on his heel and left the office as fast as he could.
Back at the house there was an official letter from the army pensions service. It told him in official terms what Ryan had already said. They'd given him the money in good faith but now they wanted it back.
Stephen went upstairs to the wardrobe. On the top shelf there was something of Ryan's he hadn't given back. He took down a plastic bag and pulled out an exercise vest of Ryan's. It was unwashed and Stephen saved it for when things got too bad. He sat on the floor beside the bed and buried his face in the cloth, inhaling the scent that had once been so familiar. And then he let the tears fall.
Continued Next Week
